A yogini of extraordinary abilities and magical powers from Hot Yoga Downtown Albuquerque proclaimed in the realm of the ethersphere that she had fallen on her ass yesterday, lived to tell the story, and acquired eternal wisdom (to slow down) from the trickster that is LIFE! Incredible, psychically edible, and something to take in, learn from, and keep on growing! In the event that we choose not to keep on growing, due to stubborness, fear and/or keeping persons, places, or things that are not good for us smack dab in the middle of our lives, then the psyche, the human soul, can atrophy or even die as evidenced by hallowed-eyed living, incessant complaints of boredom, and an altogether pessmistic view of self and life. Of course, such a one does not believe or feel in their gut that they are atrophied or dead as humans’ rather, they consider themselves just fine or even aobive it all. But, if we are truly serious about the business of living life with sincerity then we have to wonder that if, rather than falling on our proverbial ass psychically, it may be worth engaging our contemplative ability to listen to the trickster that is life and therein experience our own extraordinary and magical ability to transform painful happenstance and crisis into life changing wisdom.

I've continued to be caught up by joy, its meaning, the feelings of it, how it takes us by surprise, and how, when its real, it lasts and lasts, unless we do drama and drop it down and away rather than letting it stay. Madness comes into play when the joy becomes too great and we don’t let it stay because we’re not used to it and so go back to the old and familiar chaos and drama….madness. People do it, we do it, we do it more than we imagine. In the words of the Tao Te Ching, “Misery—happiness is to be found by its side! Happiness!—misery lurks beneath it! Who knows what either will come to in the end.” It’s our choice, as we grow in consciousness. Those moments when we wonder why everything suddenly went south when things were going wo well. It’s a good time to ask why we needed this to happen, how, in a sense, we drew it to ouselves so that we could go back to the bad with which we are familiar because the good is too unfamiliar and therefore frightening. It’s the madness that we can make happen in everyday life. And it’s the madness that can be traded in for joy, being caught up in it, swept up and into it, and letting ourselves fly, enjoy our wings and the soaring that is an integral part of life as we let ourselves watch out for dropping down and away and instead stay with the joy and feel the soar.

Joy and unhappiness come with a price. Working out of negative relationships and into healthy and creative relating with others requires energy expenditure. But, whatever we choose, energy will be expended. And, the most amazing facet of this journey into joy is the oneness we feel with our actions. The self empowering aspect of being able to know that the way in which we cultivate attitudes and relationships effects our capacity to be well or unhappy. It is a wondrous power that we possess as human beings to grow into that place of being able to pay the price in order to move into depths of self and relational fulfillment. One sincere woman told me, “But all this doesn’t just happen if you had a dysfunctional childhood…..it takes work to get there.” Of course, she was right. In the words of Emerson, “By your own act you teach the beholder how to do the practicable. According to the depth from which you draw your life.” We have to grow into this ability as we seek enlightenment about issues, conflicts, traumas from the past that weaken and even cripple us; but as we are able to heal from our histories by truth facing and feeling what we need to feel and working out toxic troubles there then comes newness of being and potential that takes us into realms of incredible happiness and joy that have come with a price that we have been willing to pay.

Spiritual trauma electrocutes the psyche. The difference between electrocuting and electrifying is the difference between injuring and causing death versus revivifying and restoring. Oppressive religious guilt and fear injure and cause death to the psyche. Love, inspiration, and creativity electrify life and nourish the psyche. When the psyche, the soul, has been injured, or certainly when it has died or a facet of it has died, there is terrible pain and loss. Such an individual can quite literally be dead while still being physically alive. Someone told me that glassy-eyed, perpetually smiling, people remind them of the living dead—--people who have gone through so much bad in life, not dealt with it, repressed it, that they have gone numb and dead. There is nobody home, as we often say. People can end up soulless when the facing of true feeling, to include facing and working through spiritual trauma, has been outrun. We need to get down and deep into the real issues of our life, most especially spiritual matters, teachings and relationships, that have been negative and destructive and have hurt us and hurt us badly. When we work our way through dark places of mind, by facing up to and experiencing hard truths, and come out through the end of this black tunnel, we are then able to know first hand the electrifying, rather than electrocuting, nature of the transformation of self. Within the context of trauma all things open themselves to the potential for darkness or light, numbness or consciousness, denial of trauma or a revivification of the self that leads you back to who you’ve always been but didn’t know it.

When the human psyche is traumatized, there is pain, there is fear, and there can be the desire to give up on self, others, life---a manifestation of intense self loathing. The impulse to despair can be confusing since it means that there is no going back; but, this can be a good thing when not going back means leaving behind negative and demeaning attitudes and relationships. The psyche has been described as a vessel full of grace; but obviously there can be far more than grace in there for those who have suffered the ravages of something like childhood emotional and physical neglect and abuse. Self loathing, the horrid feeling of turning anger against the self, is a destructive alternative to facing what has been done to oneself and then working through this pain and dealing with the relationships that have been involved. This is no simple matter since it implicates not only oneself but people with whom we have been or are in relationship. Relational trauma can be one of the worst types of trauma because then we have to deal with the psychological reality that people can make us crazy, can rob us of emotional and spiritual stability and meaning. There is no way around the psychological injury that takes place when we are caught in relationships that are manipulative, cruel, and lacking in understanding. For example, recent research has documented a correlation between those who suffer from eating disorders and those diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive and borderline personality dysfunctions. From having treated individuals who suffer in this way, I recognize that there is often a history of unresolved childhood pain that translates into present day dysfunction with self and relationships. Self loathing in the form of eating disorders and other destructive behaviors can then pop out like a nightmare jack-in-the-box. The human psyche, however, with all of its light and dark energies, has within it the capacity to transform destructive impulses into powerful insights that generate substantial change. Trauma, if we face and experience the truth that it holds for us, can lead us into transformative emotional and spiritual depths in which we confront angels and demons, the potential to come face to face with who we are and who we are not.